♥ Doing what I create!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

what is it like to be an EOD wife?

I got a wonderful email from a wonderful lady through my etsy and I wanted to share in hopes (if any)
this may help out other new EOD wives as I thought it was such a great Question.
So I just wanted to thank you so much for the creations you make! My husband to be is in EOD training right now and i just want to ask, what is it like to be an EOD wife?
looking forward to buy from you! Thank you so much!
- Mary
HI Mary!
first off thank you so much for your lovely comment and liking my items. I am sooo excited for you and your husband. My husband use to teach demo at Eglin.

Being an EOD wife, well... if anything I can say is you must have patience. But of course with any spouse in the military patience is a virtue. For me through out the years and even now, Tim might be retired from the Army EOD, but he is a Police officer now and on the bomb squad..ugh. I tell him... what.. you went from the fire to the frying pan?? LOL I honestly try not to think about what he does. I know what he does and I hope he never fails at his job, but if I constantly think about him out there doing god only knows what I would be a nervous wreck and then that does him no good now or then.

The 3 tours to Iraq Tim did was crazy. It was hard. But I had my kids at the time and I focus on them and doing things to the house and got involved in the FRG group and became friends with folks with same interests as me. I have always been an artist and started to do more on that and creating my own little business to help keep me busy which now I am thank for now that my Son and daughter are now grown and out of the house. In fact they both are military, My son is in the Air Force and my Daughter is in the Coast Guard. So it must not had been that tough on them to want to join.

I honestly think it takes nerves of steel to be a tech. I also think it takes nerves of steel to be a wife of an EOD tech. We wives have to be stronger I think then the average solider wife due to what our spouses do (No offense to the other military wives out there as you can see I am a PROUD EOD wife!). As a spouse I know we want to spend all our time with our loved one, but the military has their own ideas and so we must make sure we stay strong for our loved ones in making sure the home front is kept up so they do not have to worry about us but at the task at hand when it arises.

When deployment calls, Remember:

1. Hang tough.
I feel stronger now when he's gone, and I don't focus as much on being "left here", though I do have bouts of loneliness and frustration. I try to keep myself busy. Writing him emails helps. I get to yell at him even though he's not here." LOL

2. Keep busy.
"The very first night he's gone, I'm out of my mind with sadness. After the first week or so, I start getting busy with my own thing. A typical day with my husband gone: Go to work, go to school, go to the gym and work on my Website until bedtime. I also set goals for finishing things, saving money and getting in shape."

3. Call on your friends.
It was nice having the house all to myself without having him flip through the channels on the TV or other silly stuff. But by that first night I was very lonely. I had some really terrific friends and they were always there for the rough patches.

4. Remember your promise.
"The most common emotion is one of being overwhelmed. With the kids and the house and no help and no relief in sight, it's often really hard to keep from being completely overwhelmed. But I'm a military wife. I knew the job description when I married him, so I feel like I don't have any right to complain."

5. Throw a pity party.
"I always experience loneliness. I deal with my feelings by giving myself permission to be 'depressed.' I take off from work the first day he is gone. I stay in my pajamas all day, eat microwavable food or order in, watch daytime TV and stay up as late as I want. The next morning I get up and get back to my normal routine."

6. Be prepared.
"Get as much stuff taken care of ahead of time, so you are as prepared as you can be. Learn to ask for help (I really have trouble with this one). Line up some visits to family and friends to help pass time and give you something to look forward to."

7. Face your feelings.
"Take things one day at a time. And let all your emotions run their course. You are going to have good days, and you are going to have horrible days. When you feel like crying, cry. When you feel like you are on top of the world, you are. When the going gets tough, look for something humorous about what is making life hard at the time. Laughter is a wonderful medicine."

8. Be realistic.
"Don't set impossible goals. Remember that nothing is set in stone. Six months can turn to seven, and he misses you as much as you miss him."

9. Accept a helping hand.
"I learned to accept and, yes, sometimes even ask for help from others. Find a support group, be it online (my option) or a family support group (FRG).

10. Do not drown your sorrows.
"I would go out with friends (fellow deployment widows) on Friday nights and have a few drinks or invite them over for a "wine" party, and then on Sundays I'd try to figure out why I couldn't stop crying! I then remembered that alcohol is a depressant, and it wasn't conducive to me being 'happy girl.' So, I became more careful about the amount of alcohol I consumed."

11. Stay healthy. "Eat right. It's tempting, while your husband is gone, to snack and not eat well, but you need the best nutrition to help keep your mental state on an even keel."

12. Trust each other. The trust issue presents a huge problem with deployments, and is one of the big sources of pre-deployment arguments. But I just try to keep my husband informed at all times, and he tries to express his fears reasonably instead of with snide remarks. As a result, we often have excellent communication during deployments and always make it through okay.

13. Find yourself.
"You have to have a life aside from your husband. You just have to, whether it's kids, a job, friends or a hobby. I have actually known a few women who relied on their husbands completely for their happiness. That won't work. You have to have something to do, something you care about, and try to stay busy!"

14. Keep your routine.
"I have learned not to get upset over the pending deployments. There is really nothing I can do to stop them. I try to keep home life as normal as I can for my children."

15. Stay strong.
"I'm a pretty independent woman, so that's what has helped me -- I believe -- get through deployments. I would send my man off with lots of love and smiles and reassurances that I can handle the affairs at home, so he need not worry about us."

16. Keep your husband posted.
" write letters or emails every day detailing what the kids did that day, so he will feel like he's part of their day-to-day life. I use to take lots of photos of our son and daughter to send to him. It's difficult because at times it feels like our lives were 'on hold' until he returns."

17. Become a boardie.
" keep in contact with other women through message boards, and that helps me remember I'm not doing this alone."

18. Work out.
"It goes faster when I'm thinking, 'I only have three more months to get a body like Britney Spears (ha, ha)! and if you can, get a work out buddy!

19. Stay active.
"I have found it vital to have at least one regularly scheduled activity while my husband is gone. It becomes something to look forward to each week, which gives me little milestones along the way."

20. Be proud.
"remember that he is gone not because he wants to be away from you, but because he is a terrific person and is dedicating his life to serving his country."

21. Focus on other things.
"Keep your chin up. Find things to keep your mind off your loneliness. But avoid sappy movies, unless you need a good cry. and Trust me... I would cry at DIsney movies when I had kept my emotions bottled up for to long!

Enjoy being an EOD wife and I welcome you to the club!

BTW, Being an EOD wife IS AWESOME!!

What is is like to be an EOD wife to you?

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